Today, lovely humans reading this post, I feel more empowered than I’ve ever felt; I feel lighter, breezier, happier and just all around more optimistic than I’ve been in a long time.
Why? Because today I learnt how to say no.
You may have gathered, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, that I’m a people person. I love talking to people, learning more about them and their incredible lives.
However, my extroverted-ness has unfortunately led to me becoming a bit of a people pleaser as well. I’m the kind of person that’d rather give up something for myself if it would make someone else happier.
And all that’s well and good in small doses. Up until it gets overwhelming, and you are giving more of yourself to everyone else than what’s necessary? And then it just becomes unhealthy, because no one’s truly happy at that point are they?
Well, I learned all these golden nuggets of wisdom today and thought I’d share a bit of what I learned on my blog with all of you!
Firstly a little background information haha, just for privacy reasons I’m going to be a bit vague but try to get the general gist across.
So a while back, a couple of friends and I started working on a project which was meaningful but intense; it took a lot of effort and usually for projects like this one, you need to work with the right people who are willing to commit to that kind of intensity.
After months of trying (and failing) to pull things together, it just wasn’t seeming to work out; the strings just seemed to be coming apart. It’s not that the people I worked with are rubbish, they are all lovely humans, it’s just that they just weren’t right for me to work with.
And that’s perfectly fine. It’s okay to accept that, some people, no matter how great they may be, just aren’t great for you. Because we are all different, we think differently and just function differently overall, so things don’t always work out amidst these differences.
It took a while for me to really let that sink in, because the truth is; I didn’t want to accept the fact that the people I’d known for so long and loved, weren’t the right people for me to do this with. Sure, we could still friends, but it just wouldn’t be the same.
But there’s a point when it’s all or nothing, when you have everything at stake, when you finally realize that there’s no end goal here. We are all travelling but are we all really stopping at the same destination?
So, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make and let go; months of long plans, unspoken hopes and heavy disappointments. It felt kind of like flying a kite, except mine had gotten too heavy to be worth holding on to and now, it was set free.
It’s exhilarating realizing the kind of power this gives you. It was a startling reminder that whatever choices I made, were just that: choices. And if it didn’t seem to be the right one, then I could always change that.
It reminded me that I wasn’t stuck or rooted to one spot, and honestly taught me the power of words all over again. If I didn’t like the place I was standing in, then I could always move or speak up at least.
Because letting go doesn’t mean giving up, saying no isn’t equivalent to quitting on your dreams. It’s just something that you need to do before you open the doors to more opportunities. If you’ve already thrown the key before finding the door, then there’s no purpose there; the opportunities will move on and the door will remain untouched.
So this isn’t goodbye or good riddance, it’s gracefully letting go, to embracing the new choices that unfold, as opposed to mourning the ones that simply weren’t up to par.
I’ve learned to hold myself at a standard higher than that. Most definitely not because I think that I’m superior or inferior to anyone else, but simply because I owe it them and myself, to constantly improve, to learn, grow and challenge myself far beyond the boundaries of simply going with ’yes’ because it’s the easy thing to do.
Have you dealt with any similar experiences in your life? Are you a bit of people pleaser too? Any life lessons you’ve learnt recently? Let me know in the comments!